A few weeks ago I had an appointment with the gynecologist. It was a routine visit, one that both my vagina and I are used to and I casually lay back on the table with a blanket draped over my pantsless legs while I waited for the doctor. He walked in carrying my chart, stopped, looked at me and pronounced loudly,
“What are you doing on birth control??”
What? Was there something wrong with my birth control? That’s not what that appointment was about. What?
“Why aren’t you having babies?? You should be having lots of babies!”
“Um, because I don’t have a husband?” I responded, wondering where this conversation was headed.
“That doesn’t matter! You should be having babies! You’re tall and skinny. Tall, skinny girls should have lots of babies.”
I mean, I was flattered but…WHAT? The HELL??
“haha, I’m a teacher, those kids are plenty for me.”
“So you know how cute they are! You should be having a whole brood!” He smiled and continued with my examination.
A brood??? Good God what was happening??
And suddenly my routine visit was not so routine because both my vagina and I had been working hard NOT to be full of broods and could this man be trusted or was he down there syringing a broods worth of sperm into me? And I didn’t know what to do because I am not equipped to handle Dr 1952 (who apparently did not have 1952 feelings on single parenting) and THERE IS NOTHING MORE VULNERABLE THAN HAVING YOUR FEET IN STIRRUPS AND A MAN FEELING AROUND YOUR VAGINA TELLING YOU TO HAVE ALL THE BABIES!
Healthy good or baby good??
“Just go out and get pregnant!” and he smiled even more and held his hands wide as if hugging all the babies of the world and walked out of the door.
I stayed there a moment and wondered if it had all been real. My vagina and I are so used to living in our strong, independent, liberal, girl power, age that we’d forgotten 1952 is sometimes still alive and well. I assured her that we would be having no babies any time soon and I wasn’t sure how many were in a brood, but we probably wouldn’t have that ever.
And then I shook my head and laughed because sometimes life is just ridiculous.