*Warning: This post contains an excessive amount of whining. Feel free to skip it and come back when the Universe and I are done fighting…
My week has gone a little something like this (and yes, I realize it’s only Tuesday):
I have been going to this yoga class lately. It’s called “Mellow Yoga”, which means that it’s glorified stretching and lots of talking about our feelings. They told me that we store our emotions in our hips so the majority of the class is spent in pigeon pose which is not at all comfortable (probably because I have so many emotions stored in there). I was hoping this class would be good for me except now my emotions have spilled out all over the place. My anxiety as at an almost all time high and I CANNOT STOP CRYING! I have decided my best plan of action is to shove this plethora of emotions back into my hips by finding whatever is the opposite of ‘feelings yoga’. –I’m signed up for a gun class next week.
Yesterday I was walking to work and was about half way there when my flip flop broke, and there is absolutely no way to fake or tape or mend a broken flip flop. I had to race back home in my bare feet, change and then arrive at work out of breath and even more sweaty than usual.
Later that afternoon I was munching on a rice cake when I bit into something gritty. What the hell is this? I thought. Sand? And then I went into a mental tirade against the rice cake company for giving me a contaminated snack except as it turns out, it wasn’t sand. Nope. It was my tooth. My crown, actually, because only I can chip a crown on a RICE CAKE! Now I have to go to the dentist, which I have been successfully avoiding for the past three years.
Yesterday my anxiety began to skirt extremes. I felt sick and shaky all day. The broken flip flop and tooth didn’t help. I try to avoid drugs at all cost, so this morning I figured the best way to reduce this festering anxiety and emotional abundance was to go fly a kite. It sounded like a blissfully relaxing idea. Besides, it’s part of my no bummer summer list and my kite looks like a dragon! Apparently though, I don’t know how to fly a kite. I mean, I thought I knew. I remember flying kites as a kid and Mary Poppins does it with such ease, and I even sang the “Let’s go fly a kite” song on the way there! But there I was in the park with Cooper unsuccessfully attempting to fly a kite that fluttered awkwardly and then nose-dived into the grass. It was a little bit humiliating and had a definite counter productive effect on my nerves so I sat down in the grass, held back tears and googled what I was doing wrong. According to Google, it was that I was alone. Kite flying is a ‘plus one’ activity. Way to kick a single girl when she’s down, Universe! No kites were flown. Fail.
(I should mention that I recently joined internet dating, which is like always wearing a broken flip flop. I hate everything about it.)
Today, while eating lunch, Cooper let out a loud yelp and started limping. Thanks to the emotions I am now storing in my eyes, I immediately burst into tears and rushed to see what was wrong. For over an hour I cried and he refused to put any weight on his foot even though I couldn’t find anything that looked or felt wrong. He seemed to be getting better when I left for work, but I still cried the entire way there. Thank goodness for my amazing friend who stopped in to check on him and assured me that he is just fine and running around on all fours.
There is no moral or message to this post. Sometimes I’m badass. Other times I have a crappy week, fight with the Universe and cry all the way to work in my car. This is that week.
UPDATE (Wednesday): I might have gotten into a slightly heated argument with the dental tech this morning when I went to get my tooth fixed. It was the most asinine appointment I have ever had because…ugh…this week.