The morning I left for Texas, my dad pulled into my mom’s driveway and stepped out of his black mustang convertible holding a large pink butterfly net. He handed it to me and said, “This is for you to take to Texas. It’s for catching butterflies and anything your heart desires.” Poetic and perfect. And then we both tried not to cry (but did anyway), hugged, and I set off in my u-haul for Texas. Last night I used my pink butterfly net to catch and kill a giant flying cockroach that was in my apartment. Not exactly what my heart desires.
I like to think that this whole scenario of catching and killing a giant (it was QUITE large), flying (it flew AT me) cockroach somehow raises my status on the spectrum of badassness, but I will admit that the situation was anything but badass. I screamed a lot (the grossed out kind of scream, not the obnoxious horror film scream), did a weird there’s-a-roach-on-the-floor dance, screamed more, and there was a lot of arm flailing. Also, in this scenario, I had no choice but to kill the roach. Such are the sacrifices of living alone. Sometimes a girl has to man up and kill a giant flying roach (also, I am comfortable with phrases like ‘man up’-feminists, please forgive me). I have to give huge props to my dog, who cornered it and attempted to eat it on several occasions. He also systematically sniffed out every inch of my apartment afterward to make sure this was the only culprit. What a guy.
As I tried to calm myself and fall back to sleep last night and not imagine that there was a roach lurking in every corner waiting for me to fall asleep so it could crawl over my face and into my mouth (my imagination gets dramatic in the middle of the night), I couldn’t help but thinking of how wrong Disney got it when they tried to make a roach character lovable in Wall-E. There is nothing cute about roaches, especially the giant flying kind.
When I told my dad this morning about how I made use of his gift, he said, “not as beautifully poetic but functional for sure.”
The bug people are coming to spray tomorrow.