My dearest nerds,
Y’all are so wonderful and encouraging and offer me love and support when I need it, so tonight, I want to give a little something back. Because I love you.
If a cute boy happens to ask you out because you met on a plane and it was kind of adorable, DO NOT have Indian food right before going to see a movie with him. You will probably spend a good deal of that movie thinking about how much you need to fart, but can’t. You might also spend a lot of time wondering if mouth wash has an expiration date** because the one in your car that you gurgled in the parking lot might be at least 5 years old but you INSISTED on ordering garlic naan with dinner because it is so damn delicious.
This is good advice, especially if you find yourself on a date with a vampire. They HATE garlic. and would probably still smell it through the expired mouth wash. I hope you never date a vampire though. They are pale and weird, but probably would have liked the movie I saw tonight. It was super bloody.
**According to the interwebs, mouthwash DOES have an expiration date. So there’s that.
Don’t forget to follow Euphoria Girl on Facebook. I’ll give you a box of kittens if you do.