Helpful Baker: Can I help you?
Me: Yes, I’d like…let’s see… Three, no four of those large red velvet cupcakes.
Helpful Baker: Are you sure you wouldn’t just like to get the small red velvet cake?
Me: I considered that possibility but these four large cupcakes are all for me to probably eat in one sitting and I think it would be a bit more embarrassing to eat an ENTIRE cake by myself than some cupcakes.
Helpful Baker: Good point. But who would know?
Me: Well, my self-esteem, of course.
Helpful Baker: Of course.
Me: And possibly a friend if I have to call her in the middle of the night because I have gone into diabetic shock from eating four giant cupcakes. I mean, if I had to say, “It’s because I ate an ENTIRE CAKE!” she would reprimand me. But if I was all, “I don’t understand how this happened! I just ate a few cupcakes!” well, anyone would empathize with that!.
Helpful Baker: You’ve really thought this through.