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This Is Not A Post About My Vagina

Well folks, it’s time we address the penis in the room. Or rather, the penis on my phone. It appeared for the first time (because this has happened more than once) a few months back when a fella informed me that he was sending it. I protested. He sent it anyway and suddenly I was staring down at a little (maybe not so little) phallus before quickly deleting it.

I decided to broach this subject with my lady friends to see if this was some kind of anomaly. Is this a thing? Do guys actually send pictures of their penises? And furthermore, do they think we are in any way turned on by this? Come to find out, dick pics are a huge problem (pun intended). Not only have many of my friends received them, but some receive them with quite a bit of regularity. One friend has protested so often that the fella wrote himself a post-it saying “Do not send weenie pic.” He then got high and ignored it. Never asked for, always protested, penises are quite literally popping up on iphones everywhere!

In order to get behind this plethora of penis and ask WTF, I decided to go straight to the source. As it turns  out, the men in my life are as baffled as I am. “Whhhaaaatt???” one said. “Has that ever in the history of anything ever worked?” I’m curious myself as it is clear amongst my circle of friends that while we enjoy what this bit of anatomy can do, it’s not the most attractive feature to be showing off. What’s even more baffling is that any man would want his willy reduced to the size of my iscreen. I mean seriously, fellas.

So ladies, I’m expanding my survey. Is this really and truly a thing that’s happening? Men who are, in fact, sending these I ask you, WTF? And to all of you men out there who aren’t dick texting, you’re some of the good ones. Keep fighting the good fight.

P.S. I refuse to send photos of my own lady parts. When asked I usually respond with “use your imagination” or I send a Georgia O’Keeffe painting.

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Comments

Chrissy
Reply

I’m not going to lie… I’ve had my fair share (OK, more than my fair share) of dick pics…

None of them were ever sought out…though men occasionally (and not even often) asked for reciprocation…

Basically–dudes who are proud of their junk show their junk.

Princess Judy Palmer
Reply

Um… so men ask you for pictures of your penis in return? Perhaps they aren’t so up on the female anatomy!

Amanda
Reply

Hahahahaha

Amanda
Reply

I have been asked for reciprocation as well. I have never given it. Reciprocation requires wooing.

I also have come to realize it’s not about me. It’s about them. We are just the unfortunate recipients of their showing off.

Princess Judy Palmer
Reply

Do you ever feel compelled to take a picture of an enormous dildo and send it in return? “Here’s my penis!”

Kara
Reply

That is crazy, Amanda!! This has never happened to me, I have to say. However, I haven’t dated in 8 years so maybe it’s a relatively new fad. It would be interesting to poll those who have had this happen and see when this started happening. I’m also curious-what is your response to these morons that text the dick pics? Ie do you say wtf? Gross? Never speak to me again? And where are you meeting these guys?? (sorry this fascinating!)

Princess Judy Palmer
Reply

I believe the proper response to a dic pic would be: “oh! how cute! just like a penis, but smaller.”

Amanda
Reply

This comment has been removed by the author.

Kara
Reply

That’s very confusing to me, I have to say. Why would a delightful guy think this is a good idea? What happened to a nice date, and then makeout session…etc..in person?? seems more appealing than a picture to me.

Princess Judy Palmer
Reply

For a split moment there I had cell phone envy as I’ve never received a dic pic since I don’t have a cell phone. Then I remembered two things, maybe three things… 1-hubby used my digital camera to take a shot down his pants and left it there for me to find it later (at work, but that’s another story-so I guess I have sort of gotten a dic pic-maybe more of a hairy spider’s nest pic), 2-penises (penii?) are kind of silly looking, especially after seeing a lot of them, which brings up 3-I used to work as the naked girl behind the glass and have already seen my fair share of penises, thank you very much. I can continue on peacefully in my cellphone/iphone less existence.

Ryan
Reply

Equally strange. Women who ASK for dick pics.

That’s happened to me twice now. Flabbergasted me both times. I didn’t send anything of course, because clearly, I have no idea what in the hell they’re going to do with it. Suppose I one day manage to author several top notch scientific publications, and start a professorship in a decent department. The last thing I need is for some crazy bitch to come forward with my would-be dick pics.

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